The Stone Collective -March

The Stone Collective Final logo

The Stone Collective is a community making much of Jesus as we create art, photography, prose, poems or music that commemorate the wonderful things God does in our life. Based on the passage in 1 Samuel 7:12-14, each month we will collect Ebenezer Stones as a regularly practice in the art of worship via our creativity. Want to join in on The Stone Collective? Create your own Stone and link up to LIVE IT OUT! Blog. #TheStoneCollective

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The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm16:5-6

 

Pure in Heat- 24x24" Mixed Media $350

Pure in Heat- 24×24″ Mixed Media $350

I am a woman at a crossroads. I have been approaching it for a while, seeing it from far off, not expecting to reach it so terribly suddenly. I am forty-five. I have a very definite patch of white hair appearing and spreading at the edge of my forehead. I don’t feel old. I feel much younger and stronger now than I did just a year ago. I don’t feel like I am at the end of anything, on the contrary I am at a beginning. I am also at a place of looking behind and surveying what has come before. It is a good place to be.

It is not without heartache. My son is thirteen. Thirteen means pulling away from mom. It means attaching more to dad, becoming interested in learning the ropes of manhood. It means learning to find his own way, be his own person, think his own thoughts, have his own opinion. It is a beautiful and bittersweet becoming. I feel of two minds about this process. I am proud beyond description of the responsible, handsome and intelligent young man he is becoming. I ache for the little boy who was my best buddy and co-conspirator for the previous twelve years.

Adam at the NC Museum of Art

Adam at the NC Museum of Art

My daughter is ten. She is a mature ten, both physically and socially.  We are in the midst of the dance that adolescent girls and their moms do, the spinning away and crashing back together again that causes may bumps and bruises to our hearts. I remember dancing this dance with my mom. It was painful for both of us. I am not happy with who I was then. It is easier being on the other side of it for me. My girl crashes softly into me, and I do my best to absorb the impact so that she can spin away unharmed and full of joy.

Messa in my prom shoes

Messa in my prom shoes

They need me less. Also bittersweet. It has been us three (plus dad) for seven years. We stumbled our way through homeschool together. We had grand adventures. We loved and connected deeply. I am so grateful for those years of connectedness and long and full days spent together. I am grateful for the trust they put in me to hold their hearts and guide their paths. I am grateful that it was not me who did any of it, but Christ in me. I have done nothing worthwhile outside of that.

That is the looking back. It is good.

And now, I look forward. What is in store for me as my babies become adults and grow more independent with each passing day?

I have had a growing desire, an intense dream. It has always been with me, but sort of tucked to the side. It was something for later on. In this season, my dreams and desires are getting bigger and bolder. They are demanding attention, refusing to be ignored.  I have been reading a book called “Million Little Ways: Uncovering the Art You were Made to Live” by Emily P. Freeman. It has been timely. In chapter two, the author talks about the biblical assertion that we are created by God in his image in oder to good work, the work he has set out before us to do.  She writes, “But this type of work we are to do is not the kind that comes from the outside, like a task we discover or approach. It isn’t a talent or a skill we go to school to perfect.  This word for “work” is the type that assumes the completion of an inner desire.”  Where does my desire come from?  What is my desire for? My greatest desire is to glorify God. The verse from Psalm 16 at the beginning is right where I am living now.  I am camped out at this place of immense gratitude for His presence and work in my life. I am immeasurably grateful for the beautiful years of growth and joy I have had with my children the opportunities He has given me to serve and give and love.  I want whatever I do to be an outpouring of this gratitude. I want it to be a huge neon arrow pointing at THE ONE without whom nothing good would ever come to or from me.  My desire to paint, to create beauty is all about expressing that gratitude in the language that God has gifted me with in order to carry out that exact purpose.  He has given me the desire to make art.

As I have prayed for God to pilot me through these channels over the last month, so many good things have begun to open up and burst forth for me.  I have excellent opportunities to create and teach in arenas where my efforts will glorify Him and not myself. I would be lying if I didn’t also say I am grateful for provision. We are at a place where some additional income is needed. I am desiring greatly to be an income source for the family, rather than just the spender.  He is providing ways and means toward that for us.

So I will share this again-

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm16:5-6

 

 

2 thoughts on “The Stone Collective -March

  1. Amy! Thank you for sharing. And I just LOVE this verse. I haven’t really spent much time meditating on it before. Awesome. He is our portion. Amen. And how awesome to recall and document and remember His goodness towards you. Thank you for sharing!!
    And somehow, some way I will have purchase that beautiful painting. I love your birds! Beautiful. Thank you, Amy!

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