I have tried to write this a hundred times today, I don’t think I can get it just right. I have been talking with a lot of friends who are really struggling. Some of it is the holiday season, but mostly it is just life. Life can be really hard. So many of us are wrestling with anxiety. I am right up in it myself. I am trying, trying, trying, to get some peace. I know the drill. I know what to do. I have done it before. There is an other side. I will see it soon.
Last night, I was describing to my massage therapist how I had lain back and floated in the hot tub the other evening. I tried desperately to relax the muscles in my shoulders and back. I could not. The tension would not release. She said, “of course not. You are protecting everyone. You are the sentinel, you cannot relax at your post. That is so true. She said “sentinel” and in my spirit I heard “watchman.” This morning I searched through the Bible for “watchman.” There are many verses, but I am not going to share them here because I quickly realized that they have nothing to do with me. I am not supposed to be the sentinel right now. I totally took that post out of my own will and volition.
So, here is here I landed…
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalm 62:5-8 ESV)
Refuge. I am supposed to be taking refuge right now. That is not to say I should not be on guard. We always need to guard ourselves. I just don’t have any business taking on responsibility for guarding my whole camp. We are under attack, yes, but we already have a sentinel. I can trust him to handle the battles while I take shelter and take time to get strong again.
Sisters, be encouraged We do not have to carry the whole weight of the defense of our family on our shoulders until we feel crushed beneath it. We can take refuge. It is safe.